Goin' Down
by You'veBeenJayed
Summary: I'm going to do it, I'm really going to do it this time. And there's nothing you can do about it. -- Kenny stands on the edge of Stark's Pond, a weight around his ankle, and most of it's Kyle's fault. K2, songfic, oneshot.


**So I discovered this song today and instantly fell in love with it (Three Days Grace is my favorite band). But once I listened, I also began thinking of Kenny for some odd reason. Boredom mixed with favorite song equals writing an emo Kenny songfic.**

–

I love the summer time. The nice cool breeze that doesn't freeze your ass off, the sun actually showing itself, and the water being actually semi-tolerable. Of course, being in a place like South Park, which is basically one step below the fucking Antarctic, summer doesn't tend to last very long. A week, at best.

But I guess I don't deserve to have a lasting happiness. So, alas, all good things must come to an end. Just like my love-life. Which lasted way too short of a time for the hurt that came after it. It felt like you took my heart and broke through it with a chainsaw before stomping on it continually.

Remember, kiddos, all good things must come to an end. Once everything feels like it can't get any better—it can only get worse from there.

That's would be one reason I'm standing here at the edge of Stark's Pond. The water is cool to the touch, but nothing that would completely freeze someone who swam in it to death. Good thing freezing isn't the way I plan to go.

Drowning is.

_Took me down to the river_

_So I could drown, drown, drown._

_Looking up through the water,_

_I kept sinking down, down, down._

I shake my leg, making sure the weight is still attached to it. It's not that heavy, but then again, neither am I. It'll surely be enough to sink me. Looking around to make sure nobody is around—not that they should be at this hour—before taking one lingering step into the water.

It's a bit cold on my feet but I know once this is all over, it won't even matter. The cold will be worth it. I take a few more steps until I reach that deep cut-off ravine where even adults have to start swimming because they can't reach the floor, nonetheless see it through the black, murky water. That's why nobody has ever been brave enough to even swim down and attempt to reach the floor.

Well, except me, of course. It was when we were all about ten, around this time, swimming. I always had been the more daring one of our group. My friends always said it was because I was crazy, but I always knew it was because I didn't care. Dying was too common for me.

And that would be the second reason why I'm out here doing this.

_I feel like I'm dying._

_I've got one foot in the ground._

_Never knew what love was,_

_Until you came around._

I continue to stare blankly at the flowing water. I've always wanted to do this—and I know you knew that, too. But you always held me back. Something that was in you, my love, whispered to me not to do it. That you would miss me and that you would hurt. But look at what you went and did. Now who's hurting?

Tears sting my eyes and, for once in a long time, I let them fall. It's not like anybody's looking; and at this point, I probably wouldn't of even cared. They drip into the water, making the little ringlets form until they've reached as far as they can go and disappear. I smile a little, thinking about how that will be me soon enough.

All I have to do is take that one final step—or maybe it'll take two steps?--off the ravine and then I'll be falling down into this nasty, polluted water we all used to play in as kids.

I remember when we were about eight, we all pulled a prank by teepee-ing someone's house. You were so freaked out about what you did that you just wanted to die. Shoot, you even allowed Cartman to take you out on a boat-ride into the middle of this very pond to beat you to death with a wiffle bat. But I bet if you even had any idea what death was like, you never would of even told him to do that. I mean, what if that wiffle bat had been an actual metal or wood bat?

I chuckle sadly at this memory. That's the third reason I'm doing this. There are too many memories—and the bad ones are overflowing the good. There's no way I can take watching them over and over again.

_You're going down;_

_You're going down, down._

_You walk all over me._

_You never thought I'd be_

_The one who's laughing now._

_Now that you're going down._

Well, here goes everything—if things go as planned. I put out one foot, hold my breath, and get ready to fall forward and drift gracefully down into the dark abyss of water of Stark's Pond. This moment couldn't go fast enough.

But then I stop. Why do I stop? I wasn't even thinking about hesitating. I pull my foot back. Why? I turn around and see the reason why. You're the reason why. No! Goddammit, no! You weren't supposed to be here yet! You weren't even supposed to know! Why do you have to ruin everything!?

"Kenny, stop! Please!"

_No_, I mouth, but no voice comes out to back it up. Apparently you just believe that you're too far away from me to hear the words that never actually formed. So you wade over, getting closer and closer to me. I glance behind me, desperate to finish this now. The ravine is right there. All I would need to do is take one little back-step and end this.

Irony. Back-step. When I'm trying to go forward and then just stop. That's probably reason number four of why I'm hear. I've been stuck in the past for way too long.

_Take it down to the basement._

_You look around, 'round, 'round._

_And we sit there in silence._

_I watch you go down, down, down._

I can see you shivering and for some reason I realize I am too. It's this cold water and cool air. When did it get so cold? It's now I realize that this pond isn't as warm as I remember when I first stepped into it. In fact, the more shallow areas are covered with a thin sheet of ice. Huh, somebody could get seriously hurt if they fell into it.

I would love to test that out if you would kindly let go of my arm. No? Okay, then I'll just take it back.

You stumble backwards and I'm almost disappointed that my balance didn't fail me like yours did. That reminds me of a time from when we were twelve. We were all ice-skating on the pond. There was a large hole that we were warned to avoid by this hobo fisherman who went away to buy some more bait. But we made a game of skating around it anyway to see how close we could get without the hole breaking in anymore.

That's when Stan, being the failure at ice-skating that he is, found that spot, tripped over the teeny little crack he made, and fell backwards right into the hole. None of us were really playing games then. You were crying and calling for him and reaching out. I was the one who actually grabbed his hand and, with the help of Cartman, yanked his clumsy ass out of there. Luckily, he turned out to be okay. Thinking about it now, I feel kind of jealous. Not because you were more worried about him dying than you ever have for me, but because he actually accomplished drowning the proper way. Excepting that he came back to life, of course.

That's not going to happen to me—not this time. I won't allow it. The fifth reason I'm standing here is because of that very situation. Or situations, actually, considering it's happened way too many times than I'd like to count.

But you don't even understand that, do you?

_I feel like I'm flying._

_I've got my head in the clouds._

_Never thought I was crazy_

_Until you came around._

"Why are you doing this? Please...please don't do this..." I can't see you very well in the dark, but it wouldn't take a genius to figure out that you're sobbing like a baby. That hurts me, love, it really does. But we're past that now. That's why I'm here. Reason number six.

I just shake my head and don't even bother to smile at you. I open my mouth, but for some odd reason I can't seem to make myself speak. Oh, well. It doesn't matter anyhow. I'll be gone soon and you'll be far, far away from me where you couldn't hear me anyway.

I shrug in place of words and turn around to fully face the ravine once again. That is, until you hug me from behind and nuzzle your stupid little face into my neck. I want to throw you off of me, push you far away to a place where you can't stop me. Silence you so you can't beg me to stop what you caused in the first place.

_You're going down,_

_You're going down, down._

_You walk all over me._

_You'd never though I'd be_

_The one who's laughing now;_

_Now that you're going down._

I'm frozen by your touch. Why? Why now—why do you have to be here right fucking now!? This isn't fair! I'm so close! All I have to do is lift one foot and drop it off the ravine. Then it'd be over. No more memories, no more you, and no more me.

"I-I love you."

My fists clench and it takes all in my power not to punch you right in your fucking face. It wouldn't be hard. Your face is on my shoulder. I wish it wasn't. Get it off! But I can't force myself to tell you to. I can't even force myself to push you off of me. Thankfully, you pull away on your own and turn me around.

This close, I can see your face. I can't believe how pathetic you look; but in memory of what I saw of myself earlier, it's nowhere near as bad as I look. As I am. I'm pathetic and you love me.

Wait, you love me?

Then why the hell did you hurt me like that, you douchebag!? I feel myself shaking, no longer from the cold but from anger. Why are you even here? I know you don't care—so don't pretend you do. I hate when people do that. You know that, too. You shouldn't even be here. Go away. I don't want to see you. You're the main reason I'm here in the first place.

I glare whole-heartedly at you, even as my heart cracks seeing yours do the same in your watery emerald eyes, and spin around again.

I'm going to do it, I'm really going to do it this time. And there's nothing you can do about it.

_You're going down, down._

_You walk all over me._

_You never thought I'd be_

_The one who's laughing now;_

_Now that you're going down._

I clench and unclench my fists, taking deep breaths. The tears are pouring down my cheeks in small rivers now. The ringlets from before aren't even lasting long enough to be able to decipher one from the other.

This is all your fault that we are this way. You caused this yourself when you hurt me like you did. You cheated on me—so don't say you didn't mean it. If you hadn't meant it, you never would of done it. Don't say you love me. If you do, then you never would have hurt me. It's as simple as that.

Oh, only I wish it were. If it were, then I suppose you wouldn't be here. But I don't have the time to think this complexity through. So, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with the muk and dead fish at the bottom of the pond. Have a nice life, see you never again.

I put my foot out again.

"Kenny—wait!"

Oh, Jesus Christ, now what?

_Took me down to the river_

_So I could drown, drown, drown._

I sigh in agitation and spin around in fury. Now you've pissed me off—again. Congratulations. I know you see the anger in my features, yet you make your annoying little self right on over here again. I growl when you touch me, sparks shooting up and down my body. You said it's over! I wasn't done with you, but you were with me. Don't you get it? I'm getting over you! That means _you_ can't be here while I'm doing it! It defeats the purpose of me trying to forget all about you.

"K-kenny..." you mumble before nearing me. I just stare helplessly at you, unable to comprehend just how pathetic you have become. This all could have been avoided; but, no. This is your fault. Just admit it and get over it and leave me the fuck alone.

Man, I wish I could speak so I could tell you all of these things. But I can't, so you just keep getting closer.

Before I know what's happening to stop it, your lips are on mine. I'm not kissing back. I don't want to. This is too much. My eyes water up again. My head is spinning. My heart is breaking, crashing, falling. I try to push you away, but I don't have the strength to all of a sudden. Instead, the shock of you kissing me forces me backwards off of the ravine and into the water I've been all-too-anxiously waiting for this entire time.

Oh, but death's got a catch—you're falling with me.

_You're going down,_

_You're going down, down._

_You walk all over me._

_You never thought I'd be_

_The one who's laughing now;_

_Now that you're going down._

_(Down, down, down)_

I can't help but smile to myself at the irony of our situation as our eyes lock and our bodies splash into the water, both instantly sinking deeper into our childhood pond. You probably think I'm smiling at you—and, hey, maybe I'm doing that too—because you smile back and open your mouth, letting the water rush in, and squeeze me tighter.

Wait, what?

I try to push you off of me as the weight around my ankle sinks us deeper. So much deeper I can't even see the surface of the water. Our tears are lost in the flowing water around us and it seems almost...peaceful.

But you...you're dying. You're here with me. Did you really care that much? Were you really telling the truth when you said that Cartman made the moves on you and it wasn't your fault? Did you really mean that you...loved me?

Truthful or not, I feel myself spacing out and my vision growing even darker than the water surrounding us. I'm weak, but I bring my arms up to wrap around you and cry, even though you can't see my tears anymore. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. But it's too late for that now. We're gone. We're slipping away. It's done. It's over.

We're going down.

_You're going down, down._

_(Down)_

_You walk all over me._

_You never thought I'd be_

_The one who's laughing now;_

_Now that you're going down._

–

**Wow, I'm starting to realize just how morbid this story is. It doesn't match the song completely (even though I tried to make it), but that doesn't matter, does it?**

**In case you didn't know, the song's name is called 'Goin' Down' by, as I mentioned earlier, Three Days Grace.**

**Read and Review~!**


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